David Bowie: Desperate local angle news reporting

Up and down the country, local news editors are trying desperately to find a local angle on poor, dead David Bowie. So here we go.

Falmouth Packet: Man once met David Bowie off the train at Redruth station and bought him a coffee and now he'll never buy me that coffee back because he is dead

The inspiration of the Bowie classic "Station to Sation", he says, making it up as he goes along.

Winnipeg Free Press: Man from Winnipeg has David Bowie ticket stubs, and now he's dead

  West Milford Messenger: Cat has different eyes, just like David Bowie who is now dead

Hull Daily Mail: Bowie impersonator is sad

Now taking bookings.

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Falkirk Herald: Falkirk man called David Bowie sad that south London man called David Bowie is dead

There's probably a Jean Genie somewhere crying her eyes out. 

Sevenoaks Chronicle: Hairdresser still on the run for crimes against fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion


See what I did there?

Picture by Richard

Yorkshire Evening Post: Man who played concert in Leeds dies

East Lothian Courier: The Dame once offered the chance to be a Panto dame

I would pay good money to build a time machine and offer the extra £5 a week to have made this happen.

Spotter's Badge: Robbie

Croydon Advertiser: David Bowie's badly pixellated milkman from 1969 remembers him as "a nice man"

Spotter's Badge: Ian

York Press: David Bowie's aunt used to live in York and now they are both dead

Eastbourne Herald: Recently deceased music artist David Bowie once mentioned Eastbourne in the lyrics to novelty hit The Laughing Gnome

 Kent Online: Former Maidstone resident dies

Milton Keynes Citizen: Man who once signed an email to Brian Eno with the name "Milton Keynes" dies

 Epsom Guardian: Man who played concert in Epsom dies

Lincolnshire Echo: David Bowie quited liked local singer-songwriter's record

I'm sure the great Robert Wyatt would be positively delighted to be called "a local singer-songwriter" in his local paper.

Spotter's Badge: Anthony

Lancashire Telegraph: The entire population of Blackburn now claims to have been present at Bowie's 1973 gig in the town

Spotter's Badge: Karen 

Northampton Chronicle: Local musician pays tribute to David Bowie

And by "local musician", they mean Pete Murphy out of Bauhaus, who is no longer local.

 Sheffield Star: Bowie's father was born in this room in Doncaster

Just below the health and safety sign on the fireplace if I'm any judge of performance art.

Daily Record: David Bowie didn't eat a pie at fan's house in 1969

He didn't eat a pie at my house in 1969, either. Neither did Richard Nixon, Jimmy Greaves, nor the cast of the original series of Star Trek.

Out of all this lot, I feel sorry for the milko. What's he going to do now his only customer is dead?

And while we're here, this last one isn't from a local newspaper, but...

 People Pets: David Bowie "probably liked cats", says cat-leaning celebrity news website

EXPLAIN DIAMOND DOGS THEN, YOU QUARTER-WITS.

Spotter's Badge: Ian