Caterpillar weirdness

Brighton Argus: Caterpillars invade Newhaven

It's gonna take an ocean (bdum bdum be dum) of calamine lotion

Etc.

Kent Earthquake weirdness

Kent Online: Area man says crabs predicted Kent earthquake, chose not to tell humanity

Yeah, thanks for nothing, crabs.

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Welsh big cat weirdness

Wales Online: Is there a big cat loose in North Wales?

No. No there isn't.

UFO Question to Which The Answer Is NO

Bromley News Shopper: Is this a UFO over Welling?

No. No it isn't.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Care home chicken weirdness

Kingston Guardian: It's the 100th birthday today of a lady who yearns to keep a chicken in her care home like the old times

Just putting it out there: The old times were weird.

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Ann Summers stolen clockwork cucumber weirdness

Sunderland Echo: Pair in court over stolen sex toy

Perhaps the grimmest court report you'll read all day.
 
Spotter's Badge: Kenn, whose Google News search for "ass vibrator" pays off at last

Soixante-neuf weirdness

Bromley News Shopper: SCENES going on right now in Eltham

I, for one, am disgusted.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Pink pigeon dullness

Bournemouth Echo: South coast agog as pink pigeon spotted

As per the prophecy.

Bad E-Fit

MK Web: This man has done some bad things

Hand yourself in, Agent Mulder, and we'll spare you the anal probe.

Don't have nightmares.

Mummy's finger weirdness

Bristol Post: Mayor of Bristol owns a mummified finger

It is CURSED and will bring calamity down on Bristol, as per the prophecy

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

NZ flag weirdness

NT News (Australia): Locally-based New Zealander upset that her design not shortlisted for NZ flag competition

Because if there's one thing they probably hate is to be reminded about "riding sheep". All the other entries are crap.

Toilet sign weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Toilet attendant trolls Debenhams customers

Come on, it's GOT to be on purpose, right?

Rooftop protest weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Hostage negotiators called in to world's worst rooftop protest

They're still there (after popping to the loo and getting a cheeky Nando's)

Stag party weirdness

Crawley News: Crawley man has friends' pubic hair glued to entire face on stag do

TOP BANTZ

Spotter's Badge: Skuds

Bad E-Fit

Kent and Sussex Courier: This man has done some bad things

Do you know a pointy-headed miscreant with a thing for attacking women? Turn the little turd in to the police.

Don't have nightmares.

Dirty Cockapoo Weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: Woman takes her dog on the Rainbow Run where everybody gets covered in paint and is shocked - SHOCKED - that her dog got covered in paint

Awww, but look at his little face!

Spotter's Badge: Kevin

Taking the Mickey Weirdness

Watford Observer: Woman offered a free meal to make up for damage to her car, runs up £714 bill at Le Restaurant de Posh

I would have gone for a Wimpy and felt guilty about ordering a pudding.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Balloon weirdness

Lancashire Evening Post: Popular celebrity recreated in balloons

Complete with sexist comment

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Man with fish weirdness

Get Reading: Fishmonger wields fish in delight as he wins council appeal

I've decided that "Fish" is now my favourite kind of monger, edging out war.

UFO question to which the answer is NO

Northwich Guardian: Are there little green men in Davenham?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Maria

(And I'm moving QTWTAIN over to the weird news blog as it fits better here)

Grumpy tree weirdness

Bexley News Shopper: Grumpy tree scaring people away from local park

I'm afraid you've got "News" mixed up with "an episode of Scooby Doo"

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Hitler graffiti weirdness

Halesowen News: Local Tories get a bit touchy about graffiti bandit

Come on, there's MORE than a passing likeness

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Bit of a goat weirdness

Wandsworth Guardian: Goat leg left on top of bus stop

As you do.

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Bathroom company job advert weirdness

Watford Observer: "Situation vacant - Duck"

You idiots. Ducks can't read. A singular failure to investigate the facets of duck culture

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Facebook weirdness

Carmarthen Journal: Councillors get confused by Facebook, decide that 'likes' should be decided by a full council vote

Just wait until they get Snapchat.

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Marmalade weirdness

The paper changed the headline, but the original is still there in the URL. So, here it is:

York Press: She made so much marmalade, doctors had to drill through her nose

Genius.

Election lack of toilet weirdness

Daily Record: Man with fine 'tache caught weeing in a shed while canvassing for votes

We've all done it, haven't we?

Spotter's Badge: Kenny

Vegetable bandit weirdness

Wiltshire Gazette and Herald: If you're throwing cabbages, cauliflowers and potatoes at people in Wiltshire, the police would quite like you to stop please

Sounds like a job for the Bow Street RUNNERS (BEANS) OK I'LL SHUT UP.

Spotter's Badge: Klee

Hedge theft weirdness

Windsor Express: Thieves steal hedge

Call in the SPECIAL BRANCH. OK, I'll shut up

Spotter's Badge: Mark

War on sheep weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: RAF bombs field full of sheep with Tabasco sauce

Due to cutbacks to the armed forces, that's the best we've got to offer these days.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

ECILOP weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: New police uniforms come with one tiny, yet vital, flaw

Well done Hampshire Police. Round of applause.