Up and down the country, local news editors are trying desperately to find a local angle on poor, dead David Bowie. So here we go.
Man once met David Bowie off the train at Redruth station and bought him a coffee and now he'll never buy me that coffee back because he is dead
The inspiration of the Bowie classic "Station to Sation", he says, making it up as he goes along.
Man from Winnipeg has David Bowie ticket stubs, and now he's dead
Cat has different eyes, just like David Bowie who is now dead
Bowie impersonator is sad
Now taking bookings.
Spotter's Badge: L0wey
Falkirk man called David Bowie sad that south London man called David Bowie is dead
There's probably a Jean Genie somewhere crying her eyes out.
Hairdresser still on the run for crimes against fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
See what I did there?
Picture by Richard
Man who played concert in Leeds dies
The Dame once offered the chance to be a Panto dame
I would pay good money to build a time machine and offer the extra £5 a week to have made this happen.
Spotter's Badge: Robbie
David Bowie's badly pixellated milkman from 1969 remembers him as "a nice man"
Spotter's Badge: Ian
David Bowie's aunt used to live in York and now they are both dead
Recently deceased music artist David Bowie once mentioned Eastbourne in the lyrics to novelty hit The Laughing Gnome
Former Maidstone resident dies
Man who once signed an email to Brian Eno with the name "Milton Keynes" dies
Man who played concert in Epsom dies
David Bowie quited liked local singer-songwriter's record
I'm sure the great Robert Wyatt would be positively delighted to be called "a local singer-songwriter" in his local paper.
Spotter's Badge: Anthony
The entire population of Blackburn now claims to have been present at Bowie's 1973 gig in the town
Spotter's Badge: Karen
Local musician pays tribute to David Bowie
And by "local musician", they mean Pete Murphy out of Bauhaus, who is no longer local.
Bowie's father was born in this room in Doncaster
Just below the health and safety sign on the fireplace if I'm any judge of performance art.
David Bowie didn't eat a pie at fan's house in 1969
He didn't eat a pie at my house in 1969, either. Neither did Richard Nixon, Jimmy Greaves, nor the cast of the original series of Star Trek.
Out of all this lot, I feel sorry for the milko. What's he going to do now his only customer is dead?
And while we're here, this last one isn't from a local newspaper, but...
David Bowie "probably liked cats", says cat-leaning celebrity news website
EXPLAIN DIAMOND DOGS THEN, YOU QUARTER-WITS.
Spotter's Badge: Ian