Man Who Fell To Earth weirdness

Watford Observer: Tim Peake realises this is his life now

...hatches plan to stow away on the next rocket launch.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Seagull pervert weirdness

North Devon Journal: Man wanted for interfering with seagulls

Our spotter says: Normal for Devon.

Spotter's Badge: Andy

Free gift weirdness

Glasgow Evening Times: Shopper finds potato scone in her new handbag

And still they complain.

Spotter's Badge: Roger

Thunderstorm weirdness

Beds on Sunday: Trouser theft victim sees fireplace explode in thunderstorm

That's they world's oldest nine-year-old, if you ask me.

Spotter's Badge: Lauren

Not a dead body weirdness

Stoke Sentinel: 'Dead body' in lane was actually a badger

OR, somebody dressed as a badger. Did you consider that, Sherlock Holmes?

Spotter's Badger: Andrew

Union Flag weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Council takes down 'too loud' flag after a single complaint

"Hello? Can you take that flag down? The noise is doing my head in"

"Yeah, OK, nobody will notice"

[Looks out of window]

Snake in the bath weirdness

Swindon Advertiser: Woman finds escaped snake in her bathroom

NOT sexy slang.

Spotter's Badge: Peter

The wrong trousers weirdness

Sunderland Echo: Safety trousers stolen from outhouse

Perhaps the most Sunderland headline ever

Spotter's Badge: Robin

Loud cow weirdness

Cambridge News: Police called over loud mooing

...and other anti-social bovine shenanigans

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Bouncy castle weirdness

Boston Standard: Bouncy castle blows away

This is only news if a local witch breaks its fall

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Didn't like the panto weirdness

A story told through letters to the editor of the York Press

York Press: Man disappointed panto is going to be held in a tent

York Press: Man still disappointed that panto is going to be held in a tent

York Press: Man went to the panto in the tent, was disappointed

Spotter: Bryan

Disrespectful mayor weirdness

Yeovil Press: Knives out for the mayor after he turns up to event NOT WEARING A TIE

The bloke on the right's not even a town crier. That's his only suit.

Spotter's Badge: Steven

Where to go dogging in Kent weirdness

Kent and Sussex Courier: Full list of where to go to get yourself an STD

Outstanding public service stuff.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

"Has anyone told the stiffy joke yet?" weirdness

Hull Daily Mail: Ghost hunters stumble across porn shoot in cemetery

"One elderly man was so incensed, he was ready to chase after them with his walking stick but I persuaded him to calm down and eat his sandwiches."

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Dragging itself into the 21st Century weirdness

Guernsey Press: Island of Sark to stop throwing dead animals off the cliffs and into the sea

Well done. Well done everybody.

Spotter's Badge: Lucy

Honeymoon utterly ruined weirdness

Huddersfield Examiner: Woman makes trip to see Huddersfield's "famous" station cat, only to find staff don't actually give a shit about Huddersfield's "famous" station cat

I bet she's - oh-ho! - FELINE sad!!!

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Rogue mattress seller weirdness

Derby Telegraph: Residents warned against door-to-door mattress salesman

Because people buy cheap mattresses from a bloke at their front door

Spotter's Badge: Louise

Leeks on a beach weirdness

Tasmania Mercury: Rains wash leeks off farmer's field and onto beach

It looks like - oh-ho! - he SPRANG A LEEK!!!!

Spotter's Badge: Evie

Stripy weirdness

Hinckley Times: Strange stripe seen across field

Yes, that's what's known as a "footpath"

Not actually a dog weirdness

Swindon Advertiser: Cop nabs criminal by pretending to be a dog

Who's a good boy? You are! You are!!

Spotter's Badge: David

London bus dance weirdness

Watford Observer: The story of London's Routemaster buses to be told through the medium of interpretive dance

Not The Onion.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Not quite sure where to start with this one weirdness

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Man who keeps Twitter account showing people pissing in the street find loads of unexploded non-urine-soaked bangers

URINE WATCH.

Spotter's Badge: Stephen

Porcine projectile weapon weirdness

Edinburgh News: Terrified woman threw a toothbrush at rampaging pig

As you do. Remember to carry your toothbrush at all times.

Spotter's Badge: Simon

Not going to stand up in court weirdness

North West Evening Mail: Drink driver tried to eat chocolate orange to hide smell of alcohol

Guilty as charged.

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Getting the whole McWee concept wrong weirdness

Northampton Chronicle: CCTV image of man who took a wee on a McDonald'still released

From the shallow end of the gene pool, it appears. But look at the face of relief. He must have really needed that wee.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Sheep not actually off their faces on drugs weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Councillor worried that fly-tipped cannabis farm will result in stoned sheep running amok

I'll have what you're having, councillor.

Spotter's Badge: Laura, Everybody

Cheltenham street turd weirdness

Gloucestershire Echo: Woman takes a crap in the street

Cheltenham. Where it's all happening.

Spotter's Badge: Amy, Rachel

Locked in the Dead Centre of Reading weirdness

Reading Chronicle: WI gets locked inside cemetery

This is the Cemetery Junction of the Ricky Gervais film, and it's still better

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Phantom cat shaver weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Plymouth cat-shaver strikes again

Is there no deliverance from this feline barber fiend?

Spotter's Badge: Charlotte

Neighbours having an orgasm weirdness

Bexley News Shopper: Man though pigeons roosting under his new solar panels were his neighbours having an orgasm

He's facing the camera. He's a wookiee.

Spotter's Badge: Neil