Lost cat weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: Boyfriend drove off with cat on the roof of his van

It's like that old Disney film: The time a cat got driven away on the roof of my boyfriend's van and didn't come home

Spotter's Badge: Ashley

Getting Buddhism completely wrong weirdness

Hull Daily Mail: Buddhist monk goes on car tyre slashing spree after stepping on insect

In the words of Neil from The Young ones: "Bad karma. Again."

Spotter's Badge: Stuart

Not actually the British Kardashians weirdness

Bexley News Shopper: Family want to be reality TV superstars

I've only included this for the article comments, which are BRUTAL.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Politician's new baby weirdness

Essex Echo: Tory councillor calls his new baby son Thatcher

THATCHER

Man with too much time on his hands weirdness

Crawley Observer: Home converted into spaceship

That's going to play merry hell with local property prices

Spotter's Badge: Skuds

Most attractive man in Sussex weirdness

Brighton Argus: Vote for the most attractive man in Sussex

It is - as you'd expect - a cavalcade of pouting Derek Zoolanders. Except for Lee Tweed. Vote for Lee Tweed.

Drive-by yoghurt attack weirdness

Central Somerset Gazette: Drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery leaves her shaken

You had me at "drive-by yoghurt attack"

Meanwhile, in Ireland

 The Irish News: Dungiven pub damaged in tumble dryer attack

You had me at "tumble dryer attack"

Spotter's Badge: Billy

Naked sunbathing weirdness

Derby Telegraph: Pensioner found naked in bushes at park with condoms in his bag was 'just sunbathing'

Uh-huh.

Spotter's Badge: Jon

Rabbit/chicken weirdness

North Norfolk News: Rabbit thinks it's a chicken

Idiot.

Meanwhile....

Fakenham Times: Three chickens dead, ferret missing

Yeah, my money's on the rabbit. Stitch-up job.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Baked potato weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: The police would rather you didn't ring them up to complain about the quality of jacket potatoes

It's not a police matter. Who knew?

'This job's pony' weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Man turns up at Job Centre on horseback

WE'VE ALL DONE IT.

Royal baby weirdness

Bristol Post: Ultrasound of baby 'looks like King Arthur'

No it doesn't.

Seems quite normal for Thanet weirdness

Thanet Gazette: Man in pink thong tries to strangle himself with a bra

Another Nigel Farage "assassination attempt"

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Medicine theft quality headline pun weirdness

Northern Echo: Suspect on the runs after diarrhoea medicine is stolen from chemist

You see... he's probably got the runs.

OK, I'll shut up.

Lost tooth weirdness

Carmarthen Journal: Have you visited a club in Carmarthen and returned home with fewer teeth than you started? We've got it here

If not claimed, we're keeping the tooth fairy money.

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Rubbish tip weirdness

Leighton Buzzard Observer: Sweary message discovered on roof at rubbish tip

As advertising campaigns for coprophilia goes, it's a cracker.

Spotter's Badge: Thomas

Naked man on Southend seafront weirdness

Essex Echo: Naked man. Southend seafront. Bants probably involved

Pretty much normal for the town, to be honest.

David Bowie: Desperate local angle news reporting

Up and down the country, local news editors are trying desperately to find a local angle on poor, dead David Bowie. So here we go.

Falmouth Packet: Man once met David Bowie off the train at Redruth station and bought him a coffee and now he'll never buy me that coffee back because he is dead

The inspiration of the Bowie classic "Station to Sation", he says, making it up as he goes along.

Winnipeg Free Press: Man from Winnipeg has David Bowie ticket stubs, and now he's dead

  West Milford Messenger: Cat has different eyes, just like David Bowie who is now dead

Hull Daily Mail: Bowie impersonator is sad

Now taking bookings.

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Falkirk Herald: Falkirk man called David Bowie sad that south London man called David Bowie is dead

There's probably a Jean Genie somewhere crying her eyes out. 

Sevenoaks Chronicle: Hairdresser still on the run for crimes against fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion


See what I did there?

Picture by Richard

Yorkshire Evening Post: Man who played concert in Leeds dies

East Lothian Courier: The Dame once offered the chance to be a Panto dame

I would pay good money to build a time machine and offer the extra £5 a week to have made this happen.

Spotter's Badge: Robbie

Croydon Advertiser: David Bowie's badly pixellated milkman from 1969 remembers him as "a nice man"

Spotter's Badge: Ian

York Press: David Bowie's aunt used to live in York and now they are both dead

Eastbourne Herald: Recently deceased music artist David Bowie once mentioned Eastbourne in the lyrics to novelty hit The Laughing Gnome

 Kent Online: Former Maidstone resident dies

Milton Keynes Citizen: Man who once signed an email to Brian Eno with the name "Milton Keynes" dies

 Epsom Guardian: Man who played concert in Epsom dies

Lincolnshire Echo: David Bowie quited liked local singer-songwriter's record

I'm sure the great Robert Wyatt would be positively delighted to be called "a local singer-songwriter" in his local paper.

Spotter's Badge: Anthony

Lancashire Telegraph: The entire population of Blackburn now claims to have been present at Bowie's 1973 gig in the town

Spotter's Badge: Karen 

Northampton Chronicle: Local musician pays tribute to David Bowie

And by "local musician", they mean Pete Murphy out of Bauhaus, who is no longer local.

 Sheffield Star: Bowie's father was born in this room in Doncaster

Just below the health and safety sign on the fireplace if I'm any judge of performance art.

Daily Record: David Bowie didn't eat a pie at fan's house in 1969

He didn't eat a pie at my house in 1969, either. Neither did Richard Nixon, Jimmy Greaves, nor the cast of the original series of Star Trek.

Out of all this lot, I feel sorry for the milko. What's he going to do now his only customer is dead?

And while we're here, this last one isn't from a local newspaper, but...

 People Pets: David Bowie "probably liked cats", says cat-leaning celebrity news website

EXPLAIN DIAMOND DOGS THEN, YOU QUARTER-WITS.

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Large bird on the loose weirdness

Lynn News: Large bird on the loose in Norfolk

That's no way to talk about Miranda Hart

Spotter's Badge: Nick

A bit of late Christmas weirdness

Nottingham Post: Viewed from the correct angle, village's Christmas lights look just like a man's pecker

A MAN'S PECKER.

Spotter's Badge: Jon

Man dressed as a penguin weirdness

Maldon Standard: Woman to marry penguin

"I dressed up as a penguin as she likes them"

Doggy house fire weirdness

Norwich Evening News: Pug sets fire to owner's house. Twice

But look at his evil little face.

Ghostly question to which the answer is no

Northampton News: Is there a ghost in this photograph?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Manchester stiffy weirdness

Manchester Evening News: Police seek lycra-clad cyclist with erection

He was in his fifties, so I suspect they want to give him some sort of medal. Then a shoeing for being a perve.

Spotter's Badge: Neil