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However, I'm still collecting Weird News on our Facebook page.

Alan Shearer Weirdness

Chronicle Live: Could Alan Shearer stop roadworks in Newcastle?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Huw

Hole in one weirdness

UPI.com: Serial pooper targets Norwegian golf course

If affected, you may take a free drop. Or even use a new ball, I dunno

Spotter's Badge: Mark

ISIS recruitment weirdness

Epping Forest Guardian: Idiots don't get the joke over clearly fake Islamic State posters

I mean --- The Daily Express?!

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Naked cyclists vs British Legion weirdness

Clacton and Frinton Gazette: Veterans didn't fight in a World War to see people riding about in the nip

Hitler was an avowed naked cyclist, you see.

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Hand shandy weirdness

The NT News: Furious masturbator slapped with a month's jail

How furious was he? On a scale of one to ten?

Spotter's Badge: Cynthia

Quite a lot of birds weirdness

Southport Visiter no really they spell it like that: Is this the most birds ever seen on one roof?

Top tip: Don't try to tile your house with toast.

Spotter's Badge: Matthew

Toasted dentures weirdness

Northern Territory News: Woman confirms urban myth about her dentures falling into a hotel toaster is true

Well, glad that's sorted.

Big cat weirdness double bill

Plymouth Herald: "I was nearly run down by a giant panther," claims Stan Lee

It was a cat, Stan.

 

Manchester Evening News: Police called over report of panther chasing deer

It was a cat, Sherlock.

Spotter's Badge: Ed, Danielle

Spud criminal weirdness

Bradford Telegraph and Argus: With all other crime solved, police now cracking down on people riding around on mopeds with potatoes

Potatoes and mopeds are just a gateway drug. Before you know it, they're zooming around on a 1,000cc monster with a sack of watermelons.

Spotter's Badge: Jaykay Growling

Dildo duck weirdness

Marundah Mail: Hey! Look at that lovely black duc....AAAAAAARGH!

Won't anyone think of the kiddiewinks?

Spotter's Badge: Karla

Alien abduction weirdness

Northern Echo: Man caught breaking into pensioners' porch 'was trying to escape from aliens'

"When the issue of compensation was mentioned, Mr Moroney spoke out again to say he would be unable to pay for the £150-worth of damage caused. He claimed his only source of income came from occasional work as a mobile stripper."

Spotter's Badge: Greg

Drunken lunatic weirdness

Peterborough Today: Who hasn't got drunk on a night out and passed out on the glass roof of the local shopping centre?

Admit it, we've all been there.

Spotter's Badge: Stuart

Hospital cat weirdness

Epping Forest Guardian: Cat spotted checking into A&E

"Yeah, I woke up this morning and I was a cat... are you listening to me?"

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Swan v model boats weirdness

East Anglia Daily Times: Swan has personal grudge against model boat club

The last photo is a real tear-jerker

[Titanic music starts playing]

Spotter's Badge: Karl, Katie, Chris

Mythical creature weirdness

Cheknews.ca: Man chased through cemetery by knife-wielding unicorn

Right. OK.

Spotter's Badge: Darren

Giant badger weirdness

Gloucestershire Echo: Giant badger going through people's bins

Seen here actual size.

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Big cat wedding weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Couple's wedding at risk after lynx escapes from zoo

This is exactly what happened at the Herald picture desk:

"How big d'you reckon one of these cats is?"

"Ooooh, I'll just take a guess at... there"

"Nailed it. What about its shadow?"

"Lynx don't have shadows, IDIOT"

Spotter's Badge: Ed

Udder tampering weirdness

York Press: Udder-tampering scandal rocks Great Yorkshire Show

Did one of these people tamper with an udder? We will never know.

Spotter's Badge: George, Everybody

Harry Potter weirdness

Nottingham Post: Are these the best Harry Potter lookalikes in Britain?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Jon S

Ketchup weirdness

Cornish Guardian: Woman on mobility scooter is riding around Newquay squirting cars with tomato ketchup

Haven't we all?

Spotter's Badge: Candy

Mystery chair weirdness

Kent Online: Man finds chair

Is it a ducking stool? A prop for kinky sex acts? Or simply the one chair the DFS sale could never shift? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

Spotter's Badge: Amanda

Shotgun weirdness

Coventry Telegraph: Genghis Khan admits to possession of shortened shotgun in Coventry

We blame Bill and Ted

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Toilet roll weirdness

Aberdeen Evening Express: World shortage of shiny white loo roll causes panic at World Comb and Paper Championships

Oh, the humanity

Toilet paper weirdness

Edinburgh Evening News: Woman allegedly assaulted partner with toilet roll

Worse --- the paper is hung THE WRONG WAY ROUND.

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Man Who Fell To Earth weirdness

Watford Observer: Tim Peake realises this is his life now

...hatches plan to stow away on the next rocket launch.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Seagull pervert weirdness

North Devon Journal: Man wanted for interfering with seagulls

Our spotter says: Normal for Devon.

Spotter's Badge: Andy

Free gift weirdness

Glasgow Evening Times: Shopper finds potato scone in her new handbag

And still they complain.

Spotter's Badge: Roger

Thunderstorm weirdness

Beds on Sunday: Trouser theft victim sees fireplace explode in thunderstorm

That's they world's oldest nine-year-old, if you ask me.

Spotter's Badge: Lauren

Not a dead body weirdness

Stoke Sentinel: 'Dead body' in lane was actually a badger

OR, somebody dressed as a badger. Did you consider that, Sherlock Holmes?

Spotter's Badger: Andrew

Union Flag weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Council takes down 'too loud' flag after a single complaint

"Hello? Can you take that flag down? The noise is doing my head in"

"Yeah, OK, nobody will notice"

[Looks out of window]

Snake in the bath weirdness

Swindon Advertiser: Woman finds escaped snake in her bathroom

NOT sexy slang.

Spotter's Badge: Peter

The wrong trousers weirdness

Sunderland Echo: Safety trousers stolen from outhouse

Perhaps the most Sunderland headline ever

Spotter's Badge: Robin

Loud cow weirdness

Cambridge News: Police called over loud mooing

...and other anti-social bovine shenanigans

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Bouncy castle weirdness

Boston Standard: Bouncy castle blows away

This is only news if a local witch breaks its fall

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Didn't like the panto weirdness

A story told through letters to the editor of the York Press

York Press: Man disappointed panto is going to be held in a tent

York Press: Man still disappointed that panto is going to be held in a tent

York Press: Man went to the panto in the tent, was disappointed

Spotter: Bryan

Disrespectful mayor weirdness

Yeovil Press: Knives out for the mayor after he turns up to event NOT WEARING A TIE

The bloke on the right's not even a town crier. That's his only suit.

Spotter's Badge: Steven

Where to go dogging in Kent weirdness

Kent and Sussex Courier: Full list of where to go to get yourself an STD

Outstanding public service stuff.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

"Has anyone told the stiffy joke yet?" weirdness

Hull Daily Mail: Ghost hunters stumble across porn shoot in cemetery

"One elderly man was so incensed, he was ready to chase after them with his walking stick but I persuaded him to calm down and eat his sandwiches."

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Dragging itself into the 21st Century weirdness

Guernsey Press: Island of Sark to stop throwing dead animals off the cliffs and into the sea

Well done. Well done everybody.

Spotter's Badge: Lucy

Honeymoon utterly ruined weirdness

Huddersfield Examiner: Woman makes trip to see Huddersfield's "famous" station cat, only to find staff don't actually give a shit about Huddersfield's "famous" station cat

I bet she's - oh-ho! - FELINE sad!!!

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Rogue mattress seller weirdness

Derby Telegraph: Residents warned against door-to-door mattress salesman

Because people buy cheap mattresses from a bloke at their front door

Spotter's Badge: Louise

Leeks on a beach weirdness

Tasmania Mercury: Rains wash leeks off farmer's field and onto beach

It looks like - oh-ho! - he SPRANG A LEEK!!!!

Spotter's Badge: Evie

Stripy weirdness

Hinckley Times: Strange stripe seen across field

Yes, that's what's known as a "footpath"

Not actually a dog weirdness

Swindon Advertiser: Cop nabs criminal by pretending to be a dog

Who's a good boy? You are! You are!!

Spotter's Badge: David

London bus dance weirdness

Watford Observer: The story of London's Routemaster buses to be told through the medium of interpretive dance

Not The Onion.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Not quite sure where to start with this one weirdness

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Man who keeps Twitter account showing people pissing in the street find loads of unexploded non-urine-soaked bangers

URINE WATCH.

Spotter's Badge: Stephen

Porcine projectile weapon weirdness

Edinburgh News: Terrified woman threw a toothbrush at rampaging pig

As you do. Remember to carry your toothbrush at all times.

Spotter's Badge: Simon