Swimming poo weirdness

Farnborough News and Mail: Windy day gives shop excellent new name

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Wheelie bin weirdness

London Evening Standard: Protesters barricade council leader's house with wheelie bins

Top marks for inventiveness, but lose a few for not filling them with turds.

Spotter's Badge: Jules

Frighteningly good e-fit

Fleet News and Mail: This man flashed his willy at a teenage girl in a park in Fleet

All well and good, except, I live in Fleet and look like this:

I've burned my hoodie, and I've got a cast-iron alibi.

Don't have nightmares

Yoga weirdness

Brighton Argus: Punches thrown as yoga gurus fight in late night brawl

"No, I'm more zen than you"

*BIFF!*

"No, I'm far closer to nirvana than you'll ever be"

*SMACK!*

Beast of Bolton weirdness

Bolton News: Man claims to have seen the dreaded Beast of Bolton

No, mate. What you saw was this:

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Rubbish Ninja weirdness

Lancashire Telegraph: 'Ninja carrying a gun' turns out to be Star Wars cosplayer on a charity walk

Guns in public = a telling-off from the police, or - at worst - a new hole in your head. Don't be an arsehole.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Lifeboat weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: 'Body in water' turns out to be fishing buoy

Whoops.

Sausage award that looks a lot like a man's pecker weirdness

You're a world-famous chef. You've got two Michelin stars for your gourmet restaurant. So what do you do if you're Michel Roux Jr? You hand out sausage awards that look exactly like a penis, that's what.

East Devon Midweek Herald: Sausage Award!

West Briton: Sausage award!

Berwick Advertiser: Sausage Award!

Colchester Gazette: Sausage Award!

Cumbria Crack: Sausage Award!

Market Rasen Mail: Sausage Award!

Southport Visitor: Sausage Award!

And, of course, there's always one that doesn't need to glad-hand Michel Roux

RJ Balson and Son: Sausage Award!

Still, nothing will ever beat the famous glass cock golf trophy.

Toilet door weirdness

Mid-Devon Gazette: Council getting peeved at people locking toilet doors and climbing out over the top of the cubicle

This story features an insanely detailed photo gallery of the inside of public toilets in Tiverton. Niche interest, purely for the Google optimisation, I should imagine.

Haunted house weirdness

Grimsby Telegraph: Grimsby family says their house is very very very haunted

Call me a skeptic, but this comes just a couple of weeks after Most Haunted visited a very very very haunted semi-detached recently. Naaaaaaah.

Spotter's Badge: Ash

Noel Edmonds weirdness

Western Daily Press: Face of Noel Edmonds appears in lamp

Burn it! Destroy it with fire and sticks!

Bad E-fit

Colchester Gazette: This man has done some bad things

Most of them involving make-up, it has to be said.

Don't have nightmares.

Bigfoot question to which the answer is NO

West Sussex County Times: Has Bigfoot been spotted in Sussex?

No. No he hasn't.

Littlehampton Gazette: And the inevitable, disappointing conclusion

Spotter's Badge: Cliff, Richard <===== Heh.

Stolen sheep weirdness

Chronicle Live: Police hold identity parade for stolen sheep

Shepherd's "crook" gag goes here.

Hot Fuzz weirdness

Surrey Comet: SWAAAAAAAAN!

"For the greater good"

Spotter's Badge: Christina

DOUBLE ENTENDRE KLAXON

Shooting up the ratings, as it were.

Cornish wrestling weirdness

Falmouth Packet: Free Cornish wrestling lessons

"It's Cornwall's national sport" - as you can see from the crowds.

Clocks go back first world problems

Bexley News Shopper: Man blames local council not putting the clock back on the local clock tower for his getting home an hour early to see a mid-table football match on Sky Sports, because there's nothing in this world worse than sitting through an hour of football build-up

Frankly, this one should be in Angry People in Local Newspapers, but his photo looked far too smug, and I've standards to maintain.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Another ghostly question to which the answer is NO

Fleet News and Mail: Does this photo show a ghost in a pub in Yateley?

No. No it doesn't.

Pedestrian crossing weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Vital detail forgotten in new pedestrian crossing

One for the chaps at "You Had One Job"

Bad E-fit

Nottingham Post: This man has done some bad things

Yeah, he's a jockey. You'll be wanting the stables.

Don't have nightmares.

Rubber duck weirdness

Kent Online: Student being 'stalked' by rubber duck fiend

Oh, japes.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Ghostly question to which the answer is NO

Hull Daily Mail: Is this the ghost of Bob Carver's pattie factory?

No. No it isn't.

Bird brain weirdness

Coventry Telegraph: Crow flies into window, leaves perfect print

Having seen this sort of thing for myself, I can confirm that birds are very, very greasy. Almost oven ready, in fact.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Trapped in a fridge weirdness

Gloucester Citizen: Woman locked in a Subway fridge overnight

All kids of H&S law implications, but SHE GOT STUCK IN A FRIDGE