Playground pervert weirdness

Coventry Telegraph: Man who likes to have sex with slides banned from having sex with slides

Slides are just the top of a slippery slopes. Next he'll be into swinging.

Oneside robbery weirdness

Hartlepool Mail: Onesie-wearing gang hold up store

String 'em up. Not for the crime, but for their fashion sense.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Big cat weirdness

Oxford Mail: Is this a big cat on the loose in Oxford?

No. It's a normal-sized cat.

Wilts and Glos Standard: Couple convinced they saw a big cat in Cirencenster

No, you saw a normal-sized cat.

In summary: Normal-sized cats.

Face-lift politician weirdness

Northampton Chronicle: A would-be MP with an international reputation for injecting Botox has joined a clinic in Northampton

What the what now?

"He also offers the 'Vampire Facelift' or Platelet Rich Plasma Treatment, which is popular among Hollywood A-listers including Kim Kardashian."

I repeat: What the what now?

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Mugged for his Greggs breakfast weirdness

Shields Gazette: Seagull stole my Greggs breakfast, says area man

Rules say you may now eat 1 (ONE) seagull by way of retaliation.

Spotter's Badge: Roxy

'Size of a Nintendo' weirdness

Sheffield Star: Did block of ice the size of a Nintendo fall from a plane?

You're not being very helpful here, Sheffield Star. Do you mean a Game Boy, or something larger?

Spotter's Badge: Geoff

Mystery leg weirdness

Bath Chronicle: Leg pulled out of river

Turns out to be rubber.

Spotter's Badge: Hayley

Poetry weirdness

Lancashire Evening Post: Who's sending poems to hairdressers?

May I ask you a question
Of a thing which I am not certain?
Pray please to tell me
Does the carpet match the curtains?

Spotter's Badge: Norbet

Naked butler question to which the answer is no

Northampton Chronicle: Do you recognise this man?

No.

It could be Kim Jong Un. Or the Queen. Or H from Steps. 

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Jeremy Corbyn question to which the answer is no

Kingston Guardian: Does this stained glass window predict the rise of Jeremy Corbyn?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Meat and two veg weirdness

Western Morning News: Grown man gets his tackle out, places it on pub bar and tells police he's Batman

Oh billionaire Bruce Wayne, you're such a card.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Haunted van weirdness

Liverpool Echo: A psychic told me my van was haunted, so I had it scrapped

There aren't enough facepalms in the world for this story, so here's Jesus.

Rude place name weirdness

Brighton Argus: WI members don't like rude place names, it turns out

She hates that road name. Look at the way she's touching it.

Nothing happening in Wagga weirdness

Daily Advertiser: Police say nothing untoward happening in Wagga

...we're... uh... hovering a helicopter over one spot for hours on end for an exercise. Yes. An exercise.

Spotter's Badge: Wade

Taking a wazz weirdness

Kent Online: Man takes a wee against a church. In broad daylight. On a Sunday.

Jesus is going to totally shit you up, mate.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Crusty juggler weirdness

Lynn News: Half naked man up a ladder juggling knives

Police called.Turner Prize awarded.

Spotter's Badge: Cliff

School rule weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: School punishes children for "pencil case infringements", town goes bananas

And if you turn up with the wrong pencil case and the wrong trousers and the wrong haircut, they can legally have you killed.

POTUS Question to Which the Answer is NO

South Wales Evening Post: Has Barack Obama been taking inspiration from this Swansea library?

No. No he has not.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Bad e-fit

Epping Forest Guardian: This man has done some bad things

Chief among them being forgetting to shave a gap in the middle of his monobrow

Don't have nightmares.

Gong bath weirdness

Manchester Evening News: Latest healing and relaxation fad is gong baths. But do they work?

"There’s research going on into it at the moment. The physics are undoubtable. We are all made of atoms that vibrate, and each part of the body vibrates at different frequencies."

That's a no, then.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Flimsy excuse for being naked weirdness

Bridgwater Mercury: Man caught running down the street with his tackle out

"Bushnell said he was partially naked because his trousers had snagged on a wall as he was trying to retrieve some keys"

Happens to us all.

Spotter's Badge: Norbet

Jesus Christ weirdness - a 150th post spectacular

Plymouth Herald: Is this the face of Jesus in my cocktail cabinet?

No. It is not. I'm getting Donald Trump

Spotter's Badge: TV's Mr Biffo

Cake store weirdness

Oxford Times: Specialist cake store to shut

And that's a very special cake. "Congratulations on becoming a zombie!"

Spotter's Badge: Rob H

Naked trampoline weirdness

Peeblesshire News: Woman in court for breaking ASBO

"Pictures or it didn't happen", says the judge

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Bad poetry corner again

Leek News: Shit-awful poetry about flowers

Unfortunately, they've only gone and encouraged people to send it poems. It's their own fault.

Bad poetry corner

Croydon Advertiser: Some really bad poetry about Crystal Palace FC

Sometimes newspapers take leave of their senses and let people write poetry. Like this.

Cow-stroke-chair weirdness

Northampton Chronicle: Cow gets head stuck in chair

I have no words, except for the words "I have no words".

Spotter's Badge: Mike, Everybody

Police stop weirdness

Northern Echo: Two bald tyres and a sheep in the back on a run to McDonald's

Just your standard evening's work for North Yorkshire's finest

Bad E-fit

Warrington Guardian: This man has done some bad things

OK officer, I'll come quietly.

 Don't have nightmares.

Complete and utter numpty weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: M27 closed after man sunbathes in the middle of the road

Can't blame him. Seemed a nice day for it.