MP photo op weirdness

Essex Echo: MP loses dignity for the cameras

And all is right with the world.

Spotter's Badge: Barry

Onion theft weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Giant onion returned to owner

Tears of joy etc

Spotter's Badge: Khyle

What are you up to this weekend weirdness

Sunshine Coast Daily: Paper asks its readers about their plans for the weekend

Colin and Bernice have very firm plans.

Killer hornet false alarm weirdness

Lemington Courier: Man doesn't find killer hornet

It is - as we all know - a sawfly. A killer sawfly.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Football weirdness

Get Bracknell: Football match called off due to goose poo

Lucky for Bracknell Town, the geese would have won easy.

Ferret weirdness

Chorley Guardian: Ferret abandoned in car park

A ferret is for life, not just for Christmas

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Dead thing in the canal weirdness

Manchester Evening News: 'Dead thing' in canal turns out to be a duvet full of coconuts

Police - has a funfair reported a coconut shy theft? There's your criminal.

Spotter's Badge: Todd, Everybody

Welsh crocodile weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Is there a crocodile in a lake in Swansea?

No. No there is not.

Phantom Raspbery Blower weirdness

Plymouth Herald: The Phantom Rasperry Blower of old Cheltenham town strikes again

Quite possibly Spike Milligan's finest hour as a comedy writer



Spotter's Badge: Julian

Singing bus driver weirdness

Lancashire Telegraph: Bus driver sings song about street violence in the style of  Mr Vic Reeves singing in the style of a northern club singer

It's very special. Very special.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Six foot pecker weirdness

Romford Recorder: Massive speedknob drawn on field

Top marks to the culprit for including the obligatory spurt of blue jizz

Spotter's Badge: Ranty

Fishy sex toy weirdness

Bristol Post: Woman crashes her Mini into a fish van while pleasuring herself with a sex toy

"Normal for Cirencester," I'm told.

We've all been there, admit it.

UKIP snake weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Former UKIP candidate says he can remove snake from beneath Plymouth house

As chat-up lines go, that's a cracker

Spotter's Badge: The Quirker

Poltergeist weirdness

Wales Online: Is this family being haunted by a violent demon?

No. No they are not.

Also: Get help, not an exorcist.

Spotter's Badge: Steven

Race For Life weirdness

Lancashire Telegraph: Bloke is perhaps the only man in the world who didn't realise Race For Life is a women-only event

Still, well done for sticking with it.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Big bird weirdness

Kent Online: Man chased by ostrich

Was about to write this story off as a figment of his imagination, when I scrolled down and saw the picture. Well well.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Horse attack weirdness

Hull Daily Mail: Old lady punches horse

With an inset picture of a horse, in case you've forgotten what one looks like

Spotter's Badge: The Quirker

Knicker theft weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Man says he was checking up on next door's cats, but ended up stealing knickers

We've all done it.

Spotter's Badge: Paul|

Tortoise weirdness

Bury Times: Lost tortoise returns home after nine months

He'd only popped down the corner shop

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Willy cockhead weirdness

Oxford Mail: People in the olden days had weird names

If you're a new parent, there's an excellent list that may be of interest.

Head stuck in a bin weirdness

Stoke Sentinel: Golfer gets his head stuck in a bin

Never mind the golf and the (inevitable) boozing - WHAT ABOUT THE TROUSERS.

I've called the police. This one's serious.

Stolen van weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Van with 12-inch pair of testicles hanging from rear bumper is stolen

Not pictured: 12-inch pair of testicles. I doubt their very existence.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Vulpine jaffa theft weirdness

Bexley News Shopper: Fox found under bed stealing man's jaffa cakes

The News Shopper, right on the cutting edge, as always

Spotter's Badge: Neil