Buzzy weirdness

Cambridge News: Police use sugar to save tired bee

Scraped straight off the top of their donut

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Cow weirdness

Eastern Daily Press: Cow looks like this

And that's the whole story.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Weird goings on in Cambridge Weirdness

Cambridge News: Naked man goes on rampage at Grantchester tea garden near Cambridge, jumps in river and barks at dog

"The incident happened near the home of best-selling author Lord Jeffrey Archer and Lady Mary Archer, who were pleased to miss the naked drama."

Spotter's Badge: Tim, who was also pleased to miss the naked drama

Pants down the dunny weirdness

ABC Australia: Stop flushing your pants down the toilets, you idiots

Turn them inside out, they're good for at least another couple of days

Spotter's Badge: Dr Professor Sir Awesome

Toy robot weirdness

Birmingham Mail: Toy robot turns on its fleshy master, eats her foot

This is the start of the uprising, people.

Time travel weirdness

Exeter Express and Echo: Exeter woman claims to have invented time travel

Time travel's more of a Torquay thing, to be honest. It's still the 1960s in many of their hotels.

Spotter's Badge: Clifford

Electromagnetic sensitivity weirdness

Bournemouth Echo: Woman has to wear silver-lined suit to leave her home because she is sensitive to the modern world

Shame it's an illness that doesn't actually exist. We hope she gets the help she needs.

TK Maxx hand shandy incident weirdness

Bolton News: Man damages ten T-shirts in TK Maxx sex act

When you're THAT desperate, it's time to sit down an re-evaluate where your life's heading.

Very specific number of gnomes weirdness

Exeter Express and Echo: 107 gnomes found outside woman's house

No more. No less. Somebody counted them.

But do they know how many gnomes it takes to fill the Albert Hall?

Glory hole weirdness

NT News: A disturbing tale of sexual deviancy in the north of Australia

Let this be a lesson to you: Always keep a cricket bat handy

Wasp attack weirdness

Bolton News: Residents flee as swarm of wasps invades Bolton

Wasp seen actual size.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Phallus flag weirdness

Get Reading: There's a flag with a crudely-drawn penis on the first building you see when you arrive at Reading station

We had a friend at school whose nickname was "Phallus". When I asked somebody (in my innocence) why this was, I was told "Because he's a penis", which was fair enough. Teachers, eh?

The most Brighton first line to a news story ever

Brighton Argus: Two single mums are battling motherhood, school runs and baking in a bid to win over the nation with their artisan marshmallows

And the second line introduces us to the dangerous art of juggling children.

Duck stuck up a tree weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Bird gets stuck up a tree

If only millions of years of evolution has allowed it to develop "wings" to allow it to "fly" down.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Suspicious chalk marks weirdness

Dorset Echo: Simple island folk convinced they're being targeted by burglars

The real reason will BLOW YOUR MIND (It's a running club, and we presume your mind has remained unblown)

Seagull weirdness

Exeter Express and Echo: Sausage-stealing seagull on the loose

This is the cur. WATCH YOUR SAUSAGE.

Bad e-fit

Ipswich Star: This man has done some bad things

If you've seen him, introduce him to a decent tailor

Don't have nightmares.

Underwear tasering weirdness

Farnborough News and Mail: Man in underwear tasered after threatening police with bicycle pump

Normal for Farnborough. And the picture's normal for Aldershot.

Derelict shopping centre question to which the answer in NO

Reading Post: Is soon-to-be-demolished shopping mall haunted?

No. No it is not.

I used to work there, and any activity therein will be local winos lost on their way to the reasonably-priced off licence opposite.

Dog poo weirdness

STV: Person dressed in zip-up dog suit teaches kids a rap about dog shit

Watch the video, and you can too. Also, two minutes of your life you'll never get back.

Derbyshire big cat weirdness

Burton Mail: Does our video prove there's a panther on the loose in Derbyshire?

No, it's a normal-sized cat, you idiots.

Five questions to which the answer is NO

Windsor Express: Is there a crooked tunnel under the castle?

NO.

Also, four other things to which the answer is no.

Spotter's Badge: Rob A

Tortoise weirdness

Coventry Telegraph: Sex-crazed tortoise ends up twenty miles from home

Police would also like to find the moped he stole

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Creme Egg weirdness

East London Guardian: Has you seen this (suspected) Creme Egg vandal?

He's (allegedly) done Some Bad Shit. Innocent until proven guilty, an' all that.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Ferret weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Woman finds ferret, panics, calls 999

Or 911 if you're an American ferret.

Huge TV weirdness

South Wales Evening Post: Bricklayer jailed for hitting man over the head with a 42inch television

One from the weird headlines file. The rest of the story makes for pretty grim reading.

Gay bull weirdness

Eastern Daily Press: Gay bull isn't actually gay

Well, glad that's sorted.

Spotter's Badge: Cliff

Grantham question to which the answer is NO

Grantham Journal: Are there tunnels under Grantham?

NO.

(And answered in the first paragraph, which saved me a lot of time)